just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry about my life...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize