plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
