I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
