Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone came in the potted fern
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
