I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
