UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
