his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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