i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
