Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
