you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize