I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
