Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
