Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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