Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
