Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
