So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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