she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
