this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
