Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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