i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
