I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
