I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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