it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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