he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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