im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
