We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
