Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
