Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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