The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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