I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had sex on a roof
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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