Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
