my phone needs a breathalizer
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
