My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
3pm strippers are depressing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
