We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
