he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
