I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
