dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so explain again why im purple
no
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
