we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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