We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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