I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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