I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
