TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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