there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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