I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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