Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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