does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
