Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
