So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
