The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize