I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
