Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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