she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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