I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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