So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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