it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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