Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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