Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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