wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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