happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
