Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
