Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just tell him i said nine months
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
