he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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