Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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