hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him