weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
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I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it