Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen