i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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