this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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