It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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