Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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