I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
