just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
