She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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