Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
