One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
