The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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