my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the day after is always just damage control
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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