My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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