oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
