You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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